Libby wrote headlines and drafts as well as scripts for podcasts and videos as a writer at The Onion. Below is a small collection of Libby’s Onion headlines.

Politics & Social Commentary 

  • Opinion: You People Made Me Give Up My Peanut Farm Before I Got To Be President (By Jimmy Carter)

  • Indiana Becomes Fourth State To Ban Great Sex

  • George H.W. Bush’s Casket Completes Log Flume Journey To U.S. Capitol

  • CDC Rolls Out Fleet Of Narcan Biplanes To Fumigate Opioid-Ravaged Small Towns

  • More Elderly Americans Keeping Active By Maintaining Control Of The Senate

  • Apple Brings Back Pistol Emoji For Users Who Complete Gun Emoji Safety Course

  • Bat Scientists Urge Colony To Reduce Spread Of Coronavirus By Sneezing Into Wing

Trump Administration  

  • Texans Brace For President’s Response To Hurricane

  • Mike Pence Has Long Heart-To-Heart With Staffer Who Came To Work With Caffeine On Breath

  • Trump Orders All Flags To Half-Staff In Honor Of American Killed On Episode Of ‘Blue Bloods’

  • Mike Pence Wakes Up 15 Miles Outside D.C. After Asking God To Deliver Him From Evil

  • Eric Trump Tapes Karaoke Machine To Don Jr.’s Chest As Part Of Final Preparations to Spy On China

  • Report: You’re Far Too Dumb To Be Reading The Mueller Report Yourself

“Women’s Issues”

  • Women’s Strike A Sobering Reality Check For Subway Masturbator

  • Mortified Tampax CEO Bursts Into Tears And Runs Out Of Boardroom After Tampon Falls Out Of Briefcase

  • Silicon Valley Startup Seeks To Change The Way Women Flee Tech Industry

  • Mom Hasn’t Said Full, Uninterrupted Sentence To Family Since 1997

  • Vagina Has Five O’Clock Shadow

  • Gynecologists Recommend Taking Time Off Between IUDs To Allow Body To Expel Backlogged Periods

  • Young Girls Creeped Out By Older Scientists Constantly Trying To Lure Them Into STEM

Science & Technology  

  • Lab Mouse Nervous For First Day Of New Job Getting Cancer

  • Mosquito Confronts Partner After Testing Positive For Zika

  • Opinion: People Think Being A Veterinarian Is Just Playing With Cute Animals All Day But I Also Get To Kill Them (By A Veterinarian)

  • Study Finds Flushing Toilets Wastes Billions Of Gallons Of Piss And Shit Annually

  • Stephen Hawking Warns About Dangers Of AI As Motorized Wheelchair Drives Toward Lake

  • Luddite In 2070 Refuses To Merge Consciousness With Self-Driving Hyundai Elantra

  • Historians Reveal Aqueducts Were Only Small Portion Of Ancient Rome’s Intricate WaterPark System

Products  

  • Hellmann’s Introduces New Meat-On-The-Bottom Mayo Cups

  • Hillshire Farm Releases Circumcised Bratwurst

  • New Ford Pickup Features Extendable Tailgate For Teens Getting Pregnant Beneath Fireworks Display

  • Peeps Unveils New Boneless, Skinless Marshmallow Breasts

  • Del Monte Introduces New Extended-Release, Maximum-Strength Peaches

  • KitchenAid Announces It Will Lift Ban On Selling Mixers To Unwed Women

Area Man & Miscellaneous  

  • Gerbil Running Late Will Have To Eat Her Babies On The Go

  • Savvy Pornography Director Includes Preliminary Shot Of Penis That Will Go Off By End Of Film

  • Cows Trample Dozens Of Lobsters In Escalating Surf ’N’ Turf War

  • Jesus Announces Plans To Return Once The Dow Clears 27,000

  • Recently Divorced 40-Year-Old Struggling To Navigate College Dating Scene

  • Local Teen Invents Masturbation

  • ‘I Decide When The Show Ends,’ Says Dead-Eyed Kris Jenner Driving Minivan Filled With Family Into Santa Monica Bay

  • Wrinkly, Oversized Trench Coat Returns To Stage For 34th Season With Local Community Theatre